Sometimes when you don’t want to think so much you tend to look out for readymade stuff. Keeping this in mind we have scoured our Facebook and Twitter profiles to get the best creative and funny cool status message updates that you can use to make your friends think and laugh.
25 Hilarious & Funny Facebook Status Updates
John… If only my p*nis got as many sucks as my jokes
Jenny… I’ve just bought a Dalmatian puppy. And I’ve found out if you join all the dots together with a marker pen… …it doesn’t wash off.
John… Surprise sex is the best way to be woken up. Unless you’re camping out with your dad..
Jenny… I just saw a Nazi drive past me at 88 mph…..Probably going Back to the Führer
John… FACEBOOK asks me what I’m thinking, TWITTER asks me what I’m doing, FOURSQUARE asks me where I am. Conclusion: Internet is my girlfriend!
Jenny… I am not broke. I am just financially challenged.
John… My wife has asked me to get her some gloves to wear at her mother’s funeral…Does anyone know where I can buy those giant foam fingers?
Jenny… I placed a bottle of Anti-Freeze in the freezer. Let the battle begin.
John… My fortune cookie said I will come into money, is it coincidence that I just had sex with a girl named Penny?
Jenny… Jesus turned water into wine. I just put a stick in a non-stick pan. Your move Jesus.
John… I just dont understand gay relationships.. who makes the sandwiches?
Jenny… If you ever get caught sleeping on the job… slowly raise your head and say “in jesus name amen”
John… I once went out with a girl with fiery red hair and a pale thin body. I met her on Match.com
Jenny… Who else wakes up in the morning and checks their Facebook like its the morning paper?
John… Smartphones… The best thing to happen to shitting since the newspaper.
Jenny… Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
John… I almost exclusively update my facebook while pooping
Jenny… Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
John… If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
Jenny… tried to join a Tourette’s support group but they told me to piss off.
John… was thrown out of a casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table.
Jenny… is wondering who was the first to look at a cow and think: “I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!”
John… thinks it’s inappropriate for Sea World to have a seafood restaurant.
Jenny… is not overweight, but underheight
John… is wondering why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour.