An obstacle, difficulty or setback whatever name you like to give it, you may. We’ve all faced them, been there, and done that! Those fierce encounters in life that leave you conjecturing how to keep moving forward.
It feels as if life is drifting apart and everything seems upside down. It tests your patience, self-confidence, raises questions on your perseverance levels and goes to an extent of asking your own worth.
So, let me clear when I say this, it doesn’t have to be this way! There’s no denial that we cannot change what has happened but we can control our present self and that’s important.
Listed below are the four tips to help you recover from a major setback and keep you focused amidst the storm:
1. Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend in the same situation.
Ask yourself, would I demean, criticize, ignore, judge, or think negatively of a friend who was going through a challenging situation? Absolutely not. You would listen, be supportive, kind, loving and offer helpful advice to that person.
When we complain about ourselves or render judgments, we are basically doing two things: First, we are affirming our negative opinions of ourselves, and secondly, we’re adding to our pain and suffering. This is that epic time to offer yourself the same level of kindness and compassion you would offer a loved one. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can and allow that to be good enough.
Write down what you would say to a friend who was going through a tough time and offer those words to yourself.
2. Do not tie your self-worth to your circumstances.
Whether it’s the end of a relationship or losing a job, we often allow that situation to determine our value and worth.
This can manifest as self-blame, chastisement, and the stories of “not being good enough.” Here’s the thing: There is a difference between taking responsibilities for your role in a difficult situation (emotionally healthy) versus beating yourself up (not emotionally healthy).
The challenges you face do not reflect your value. They are merely a part of life.No one can determine the currency of your value or worth. You have been and will always be worthy.
To begin adopting a healthier perspective, start by asking the right questions—questions that will create space in your mind to find positive solutions and help you move through rough patches with a little more ease.
Here are some great questions to get you started:
- What are the facts?
- What assumptions am I making?
- How else can I think about this?
- What actions do steps make the most sense?
- What’s possible?
3. Seek evidence of your strengths.
It’s never more important to remember your strengths than when you’re dealing with something tough. Remind yourself you’ve been faced with challenges in the past and you made it to the other side. Imagine what you are capable of.
Identify your strengths that you’ve used to conquer challenges in the past or to achieve things you’re proud of. Question yourself, how can you use these strengths to support yourself in the present scenario?
4. Make (and keep) healthy boundaries.
This is a time to make sure you don’t add extra stress to your life. During tough times, self-care is more important than ever. In my opinion, caring for your best self is a superpower that gives you extra reserves of emotional, physical, and mental strength.
So, shield yourself from negative people, drama, and don’t even watch TV that gives you anxiety. Instead, use your stress-management practices, such as prayer, nature walks, yoga, listening to calm music, and journaling to restore and refresh.
It’s easy to underestimate yourself when you’re facing a challenge. But I promise you, you are stronger than you think.